Podgodz 279: Not the 80s finest
Recorded 27 February 2018
The Cannonball Run (1981)
Cannonball Run: Ray Stevens
What do you say when you write with no words?
Feel a song that’s never been heard?
How do know if you did it all?
What do you do when you’ve done it all?
It’s not what you do
It’s how you do it.
Be anything you want to be
It’s not what you got
It’s how you use it
You be you
And I’ll be me
It’s just a matter of style
You can fake it
Mile after mile
If you got the soul
you can make it
Move-em out (move ’em out)
Let ’em roll (let ’em roll)
From sea to shining sea
What do you do if a mountain is there?
How do you answer to a challenge in today?
When your back’s against the wall?
What do you do when you’ve done it all?
Directed by Hal Needham , a stunt man
Written by Brock Yates, a racer and Car and Driver editor. Creator of the Cannon Ball Baker Sea-To-Shining-Sea Memorial Trophy Dash.
Written to star Steve McQueen, who had to go an get cancer. The US debut of..Jackie Chan? Also starting: Burt Reynolds, Roger Moore, Farrah Fawcett, Dom DeLuise, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., Adrienne Barbeau, Jamie Farr, Terry Bradshaw, Mel Tillis, Jack Elam, Bert Convy, Adrienne Barbeau and Peter Fonda
Burt Reynolds said of the film, “I did that film for all the wrong reasons. I never liked it. I did it to help out a friend of mine, Hal Needham, and I also felt it was immoral to turn down that kind of money. I suppose I sold out, so I couldn’t really object to what people wrote about me.”
I’m sorry, the best parts of this movie are the credits, which is a Lamborghini Countach being pursued by a Highway Patrol Trans Am. Notice, if you will, the duplication of shots with different angles, the ‘second take’ skid marks, and the look at those bushes vibrate with the over cranked frame rate.
Credit are over, feel free to leave for about the next half hour.
That’s an awful big garage full of cars for a delivery company. Enter THE TOUPAY of Burt Reynolds.
Nothing of consequence happens until a pointless stunt gag.
Jimmy The Greek, noted racist, makes his cameo.
Dom DeLuise has a super hero costume and persona FOR NO FUCKING REASON
Here is the stupid stunt, out of beer, gotta land the small plane in town to pick up more. Massive crowds standing behind barriers, streets already blocked off….sure.
Seymour thinks he is Roger Moore, played by Roger Moore.
Hey, now Burt and Dom are in a speed boat for no reason, get into an accident, and get the idea for an ambulance – with a director cameo.
Okay, so why is Jackie Chan in this movie? Hong Kong movie funding, that’s why. But, he’s playing Japanese.
Jamie Far and his Arab stereotype.
Bert Convy, business man, with his assistant werewolf mid transition, for some reason jumps out of an airplane on a motorcycle.
Then we meet other idiots, Nascar southern hicks, Cousin fuckers in a van, morons in a long bed crew cab.
And here are the environmentalists who eat wood chips. Farrah is really in to trees. Weenie is really into Farrah. He is interrupted by the hicks tuning their car that they drove into the pool, which makes him their enemy.
Drama, Dom can’t find a replacement door for their ambulance. Foyt is spying.
Some good shots or Farrah, braless of course with MASSIVE hair.
Burt tries to hit on the Lambo Ladies, then the locks on to Farrah’s nipples.
35 minutes in, writer cameo and we finally get to getting started.
But first, Dom found a doctor.
The Japanese SO STUPID they didn’t pick up their card!
Farrah is dumb, y’all! They abduct her at a traffic accident, then later on will drug her. They kidnap and drug a woman to make her complaint.
The Lambo Ladies use their cleavage to get out of a ticket.
Now for Some reason, Foyt is trapped in a phone box in Las Vegas despite having just been on the other side of the country.
Sammy Davis lets the air out of an Ambulance tire.
A Funny moment, an election sign for “Sean ‘Kill a Commie’ O’Scanlon. God, Guns, and Guts to keep us safe from the hippie nuts”. Setting up Sammy Davis and Dean Martin to be detained as flashers dressed as priests.
Foyt is heading a road block on a very small road checking license plates.
Romantic moment between abductor and abductee, Stockholm syndrome starts to kick in.
Hah hah, stupid Asians went SOUTH. Lambo Ladies got pulled over by a lady smokey with cleavage of her own!
Hah hah, stupid horny Jackie Chan has to watch porn and almost get into an accident!
Everyone gets held up by a pipe across a very small road, now since Jackie Chan is in the movie, you have to have bikers show up for him to use his kung fu on during a giant fight.
Now it’s a race to the finish, except that it is a timed race, at the Portofino Inn. Dom could have one, but he’s in costume so had to save the woman’s drowning dog allowing Adrienne Barbeau to win…except she left well before the guys in the ambulance.
And credit gag reel.
Driving somewhere across the South West I got my first EVER Big Gulp in a Cannonball Run promotional cup, I think it might have been when they went national.
A remake? From the director of Central Intelligence and Skyscraper (Die Hard…in a Building), written by Robert Ben Garant AND Thomas Lennon? Thank god Jeremy Clarkson punched that PA.
Don’t forget that we are a listener supported show…blah blah…Crown Royal sack.
Don’t forget that we are a listener supported show.
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Time to put the Crown Royal sack back on the microphone.
Music Provided by Rucka Rucka Ali, Check out his work at RukasWorld and possibly commission him for your next project.